Finding out that their Enneagram traits are unchangeable can be very relieving to clients. The 1 Perfectionist can accept that they notice details whereas others probably do not. They might also learn that their partner is a 9 Easy-Going person who almost never sees a detail like a sock on the floor. This immediately gives some relief to the couple. A 1 perfectionist mother might say, “I guess she’s not putting her clothes away just to annoy me.” Helping couples and families learn to collaborate in their relationships is just one of the benefits a therapist has using the Enneagram.

At the end of my first session with a client or clients, I hand them my booklet on the Enneagram with a brief description. I ask them to look through the various styles to find themselves and family members. I have found that the Enneagram questionnaires online are 50% accurate and give a client no real insight into themselves. 

Clients, looking through the Enneagram booklet or this Blog, think about themselves in their lives, what their gifts and burdens might be. As they look through the descriptions of the various styles, they almost immediately eliminate 6 styles and question themselves about 3 possibilities. If they come into the next session wondering about the three styles they might be, I have questions to ask them to clarify their styles. These questions will be shared in a future Blog under “For Therapists” and in the monthly newsletter.

Finding out that their Enneagram traits are unchangeable can be very relieving to clients. The 1 Perfectionist can accept that they notice details whereas others probably do not. They might also learn that their partner is a 9 Easy-Going person who almost never sees a detail like a sock on the floor. This immediately gives some relief to the couple. A 1 perfectionist mother might say, “I guess she’s not putting her clothes away just to annoy me.” Helping couples to learn to collaborate in their relationship is just one of the benefits for the therapist using the Enneagram. It seems that we are all attracted to a partner with a different Enneagram style. How boring, lacking passion, if we were both the same. Yet, we wonder why our partner doesn’t look at life the way we do.

   The Enneagram has been very useful in working with individuals as well as children and families. In my almost 30 years as a therapist, 90% of the children brought to me for help were little 8 Bosses. I tell their parents, “They are practicing taking over the world.” They do not want to be told what to do -so what is a parent to do? When an 8 Boss adult client, for instance, realizes their effect on others, they can learn to use their power and strength in a different way. One 8 friend told me, after attending my Enneagram Seminar, “Now I know why people look like broken glass after I’ve made a blunt statement.” She went on to modify some of her directness.