The Enneagram in Therapy: Nature vs Nurture
We are not just our Enneagram style of course. We are also a product of our childhood, our culture, our history in the world, and other factors. The beauty of therapy is to piece apart the factors that affected us in those areas of our early development. Did we come from a loving, connected family? Did our culture fit with the culture of those around us? Was our particular history of the world difficult or easy as we grew up. Did our gender, or gender propensity affect us along the way. Did difficulties in our early years create coping skills that are getting in our way today?
The psychodynamic question for our Enneagram temperament is: Did our Enneagram style make these childhood difficulties easier or harder to modulate in our lives. We might even have had a normally nurturing childhood that somehow was not nurturing for our particular style. Mostly, though, how we coped in childhood is based on our temperament style. We used the strength of our Enneagram to create good protectors from our childhood dynamics. Learning our Enneagram style enhances our ability to recognize what is not working today, even though it worked in childhood.
Many examples in my practice have shown that each of our Enneagram styles comes with an Enneagram gift that can turn into a protector. This natural ability then becomes a liability which can take years to calm into normalcy. For instance: most of my 3Achiever clients, who succeeded in life, managed to find other families or interested teachers or coaches to encourage their projects in sports, academics or finance.They had disinterested families, but listened to there inner drive to succeed, so they left their families early. Many of these 3Achiever clients came to me after success because they had lost sight of their families and connection. One 3Achiever client, upon recognizing the abandonment that his wife felt, said, “I was clueless as it happened.” When both the
therapist and the client see how the client’s Enneagram style plays out in his life, therapy moves faster to unweave the difficulties, the psychodynamics of childhood.
The CBT question is: what are the thoughts that are primary for each Enneagram style? The 1Perfectionist is looking for right and wrong as an answer. Helping this person to find the grey areas is an important part of CBT therapy. The 2Giver thinks that he is selfish if he is paying attention to his own needs. The 8Boss thinks in blunt terms of directness without finess. Helping each of the temperaments to first see that others look at the world differently and then to see how they can modify their thinking is classic CBT. Each of the therapeutic treatments we regularly use as therapists, minister, counselor and other health professional can be enhanced with knowledge of the Enneagram system.
This section for therapists, or any interested person, will contain new material each month about using the Enneagram with couples, individuals, children and families. My newsletter will come out each month indicating new blog writings and where they will appear on the website. Sign up for my newsletter below.